IDK

I don't know why I feel like I need to write this but I do. I'm having a lot of thoughts since I've been home. People keep assuming things. I think some of these assumptions are right. But I want to write them out and give myself some explanation. I guess.
1) Yes, I do still like him. I think. My stomach still flips when I see him unexpectedly. I blush when I think about him. I want to know what went wrong. I want to talk to him again. I miss him.
2)I truly am sorry. I was a complete bitch and he didn't deserve that. Michael, you didn't deserve that. I treated you wrong and I'm sorry. All I can do is apologize and hope you can forgive me. I miss being able to rely on you for random trivia.
3)I'm probably moving in with my dad next year. I love my dad but it's going to be weird.
4)I'm going to be alone on New Year's. That sucks a lot.
I guess that's pretty much it but I still feel like there is so much more to say. Maybe one day I'll finally feel like I've said all I need to say. Until then...

Rescue Me?

Today has been rough. Seems like that's all I have is rough days, but that's only because I write when I need to and I need to when I have a bad day. Today I need to write because of a few things. My roommates left for Christmas break yesterday so I've got the apartment to myself. Which I thought I would actually like for a few reasons. Coming home to an empty apartment isn't that amazing. I haven't really connected with anyone this semester so I've got no one to talk to about all this. Especially since I feel like I'm loosing one of my dearest friends and I can't even say anything because I don't want anyone to change their minds based on how I feel unless their decision directly effects me. Which in this case it doesn't. I just want the absolute best for all of my friends. I want the best for myself too, but that is secondary. This being alone thing isn't all it's cracked up to be either. I feel like I have no one to talk to. And that no one really understands how I'm feeling. I want someone to rescue me. I don't know from what though. I just have this feeling that I need to be rescued.