Lucky

So today has been kind of rough. A lot of ups and downs. Tomorrow is not looking much better. Waking up to register my sister for her classes, turning in a paper that is not my best work, failing a test and then the first good thing of the day, going to have lunch with my old roommate. I'm still working over getting over things. It's not easy. I see a truck, I think of him. I eat cracker jacks, I think of him. I put my white flip flops on, I think of him. Don't get me wrong, I'm not moping around every time I think about him, but I'm not skipping off down a rainbow either. I miss having that bond with someone. I don't think it was necessarily him that I miss. I am worried about him now though. I'm not sure he's doing okay and that bothers me. It shouldn't because I don't have a connection to him anymore but it does. certain people in my life are really starting to annoy me. I don't really know what to do about it because I can't just get rid of them. At this point it really wouldn't bother me to just up and leave. I want a do-over. Maybe I'd be happier if I had done things differently. With me it's all or nothing with regrets. If things are going well I regret nothing I've ever done because then I wouldn't be were I was in that moment. But when things get this bad I can't help but think of the possibilities I could have had. It infuriates me. Then I'm thankful for the wonderful people I have in my life. I don't know what I would do without them. I'm thankful for my mom who, bless her heart, has dealt with my insane mood swings my entire life. Then there is my sister who, Lord knows, I wouldn't be the same person without her. Take that as good or bad, but I love my sister dearly. And of course Melissa and Bailey. Melissa is truly my soul mate. I don't know what I would have done without her, but I know that if I find her in male form I'm set for life, though I don't know if I can deal with that much craziness! I love her. And Bailey, no matter how quiet she is, I know she's listening. I can always count on her when I just need someone to be there for me. I'm thankful I have a job and so many opportunities ahead of me. I'm so lucky.