Dear World,

I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I've hurt you. I'm sorry if anything I've done has caused you pain. Normally I just forget about the pain that has been done to me and I move on. I can't seem to do this right now. I don't know why but what he did to me won't go away. Three months doesn't seem like a lot compared to nineteen years of growing up but to me it was. I don't know why. I may just be building it up in my head but even when I think about the times I was curled up in my bed crying my eyes out because of him I can't seem to think badly of him. Only myself. How could I not see he wasn't into it. Didn't he give me the clues that he didn't like me? Didn't I just disregard them? It's my fault right? Right? I grew to like him. I didn't really at first. Sure, I thought he was cute. And yeah, he was nice. But then he asked me out. I thought I liked him. We got along. He made me smile. And he gave amazing hugs. I felt safe with him. I didn't think he would hurt me. But you never think the ones in your life are going to hurt you and those who do are the ones who surprise you the most. I never thought I'd hurt myself, and I beat me up daily. I never thought my dad would leave me. What little girl thinks her Daddy will decide she's not enough to hold him there? Not this one. Then you've got the friends that stay around for 13 years and get boyfriends who become fiances and they decide that's more important. And then you've got boyfriends, who become exes. That you actually believed might stay around for longer than three months. And those three months don't seem like long, but you aren't giving up the three months you were with them, you give up the eternity you could actually picture with them. And that's a whole lot more than anything that can happen in three months. And then to find out that the whole thing only happened because his mother forced it breaks your heart more than anything. He never liked you. You were never good enough. Those kisses that meant so much to you meant nothing to him. That little brush of his hand moving the hair from your face, that meant nothing. When you asked will it be okay when I leave and he answered it will be okay, it will always be okay, yeah he probably had a good laugh at that one. He knew it was going to end. He just didn't know when. But he knew it would be soon. I just feel like I need to know. The things he did conflicted with the things I've been told, so I just want to know the truth. I'm at least worth that aren't I?